Racing, in bed

For a long time I have had trouble sleeping. Or more specifically, I have had trouble waking up. I feel exhausted in the morning. I have no desire to get out of bed. Doctors and I have attributed this to many things: sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, and too much caffeine. But last night I had a breakthrough.

Last night, I went to bed around 10:30. But all I did was toss and turn. It was like my brain would not turn off. Finally, at 5:30 this morning I reconciled myself to the fact that I was not getting any sleep.

But this is actually a breakthrough for me. For most of my adult life I have had episodes of similar sleep patterns. Sometimes it is hard to fall asleep, sometimes it feels like I haven't slept at all, and sometimes I wake up and can't go back to sleep. But the one characteristic to all of these situations is "racing thoughts."

It's as if my brain takes over. The words and thoughts just keep coming, and not in any logic train of thought. And no matter how many times I try to relax, focus on my breath, or think about sleeping, before I know it I'm right back where I started.

But now I can say, ah, I'm having racing thoughts. Now I just need to work on slowing them down.

Till tomorrow,

Amelia